According to Dr David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, women are better at hiding affairs then men.

Dr Holmes explains that women are far better at handling technology such as emails, texts and social networking sites. They are also more likely to create a network of friends, who know about the affair, and can cover for them. Men on the other hand, can often be careless and leave their mobile phones lying around, giving their partners a chance to check up on them.

Dr Holmes states that women are better liars because they’re more psychologically sophisticated. They can make plans and have strategies, while men are more impulsive.

From my experience conducting Infidelity Investigations, I agree with Dr Holmes. I have found it far easier to investigate and catch out a cheating husband than a cheating wife. Cheating men always seem to leave a trail of evidence behind them. They can often be careless in covering their tracks, and their impulsiveness is what inevitably leads to their exposure.

In the recent Sex & The City movie, Carrie & Big discuss spending a few days apart to keep the ‘sparkle’ in their marriage. In reality, some couples are actually doing this in a bid to help save their marriage.

As reported in the Sunday Mail (July 18), a married couple discussed how spending time apart, saved their marriage. After living together for a decade, they found the ‘daily life’ of co-habitation was starting to cause frequent arguments between them. They tried couples therapy, but found it didn’t help them deal with their incompatibilities. They agreed that they loved each other too much to separate, so they decided to take a break away from each other.

Their break lasted 15 months. During their nights apart, they would chat & play online board games. They stopped arguing and learnt to appreciate each other more. But the reality of the double costs of living brought their break to an end, and they moved back in with each other. The couple ended up clearing out the attic of their house as an extra space, as they found their initial irritations started to return.

Many couples are living part-time marriages without even realising it. With a majority of both partners now out in the work force due to troubled financial times, relationships are under strain because they don’t see enough of each other. Consistent separation from each other can be frustrating which could lead to loneliness, sexual frustration and the temptation of affairs.

If you need to spend more time apart to stay together, is this just the beginning to an end?

Human organs and cells have the amazing capability to regenerate after being damaged, so that the original function is restored. The liver has the ability to regenerate from as little as 25% of its tissue. If someone has had their trust damaged in a relationship, can it be regenerated too? Is the love that we hold towards another person, like a human organ that can be repaired?

Each time we trust and love someone, and someone else breaches that trust, it feels like a little piece of us dies. Most of us can regenerate and heal to love again. But what if it happens again? And again? Can we reach a point below 25% capacity so that it becomes impossible to ever fully heal again?

Our human immune system is a system of biological structures and processes within an organism that protects against disease by identifying and killing pathogens and tumor cells. Can our hearts build up an immune system to prevent being hurt again? Being hurt by Infidelity is a disease of the heart.

Is it possible to reach a point that you can no longer trust again?

A new book released by Laura Munson “This Is Not The Story You Think It Is.. A Season Of Unlikely Happiness” touches on a issue that many marriages suffer. Laura talks about how one day her husband told her that he didn’t love her anymore. This would be one of the most devastating confessions someone could hear their partner admit, besides admitting to infidelity.

What is interesting was how Laura dealt with it. Instead of getting angry, she offered him some distance in their relationship. This would have been an extremely difficult decision for her to make. Laura exposes her true inner strength, courage and self confidence by giving her husband, the man she loved, his space to work through his own inner turmoils.

Many marriages can hit a critical point, usually after years of unexplored unhappiness and difficulties. It is at this point where marriages either fall apart or infidelity provides one of the partners an ‘escape’ from their marriage problems.

When asked, Laura’s husband stated that he was not having an affair during their emotional distance. She chose to believe him. She admits that there were times that she thought about going through his pockets and phones, but decided that she didn’t want to add suspicion to their current emotional problems.

During their time apart, although still living together under one roof, Laura states that she used the time to rediscover her own happiness. She started to write, spent time with her children, gardened, cooked and rode her horse. Her husband spent many hours away at his friend’s fishing lodge and took long periods of time away from the family home.

Laura states that the turning point came when a serious crisis in her husband’s family, brought him back to her. He admitted that he felt he had failed his career and had lost his sense of pride and belief that he could provide for his family. It was during this crisis period that he realised that relationships are what really count. Their relationship is now stronger and Laura believes it’s because they have been happy and unhappy together, and is important to know how to do both.

I wonder how many marriages that are suffering, would benefit from this type of ‘distance therapy’. Would it make or break most marriages? If this option was explored first, could infidelity be prevented? Or would the time apart, and not being accountable to where they have been, create a dangerous ground where infidelity could breed.

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make a heart grow cold.

In world media recently, the Ashley Madison web site has been gaining notoriety. For those people who don’t know what this is, it’s a portal to enable people who are married, to have affairs.

The founder of this web site, Noel Biderman, is a married man with children, who believes that, having affairs keeps marriages together. I never thought that I would actually ever put those words together in one sentence. But there you have it.

Biderman is a business man, and while you can respect his commercial wit & intelligence, no one can ignore his complete lack of ethics.

Biderman has been reported to state that people are going to have affairs anyway, and rather than having to lie on dating sites about their true relationship status, why not just set up a web site to help them be honest about their situation. Well Biderman, you’re right. Lots of people do have affairs. They have for many years, and they will continue to do so. But offering a service to assist in this modern cultural breakdown, only serves to escalate an issue that is rife with severe ramifications.

Biderman’s service can be likened to that of being a drug dealer (minus the legal elements). A drug dealer sells the drug, takes the money and walks away with no further thought about that person’s future repercussions. Biderman found the demand was there for affairs, so he set up a business to provide a service that people could partake in. He offers them the service, takes their money, all with total disregard to the future consequences that lays ahead for that person.

What is most interesting is when Biderman was asked how he would feel about his own wife having an affair, he responded that he would be emotionally hurt beyond belief. This begs the question, how can he so actively & passionately promote a service or product that he himself doesn’t even believe in?

Marriage is an agreement that two people make, to commit to each other at the exclusion of all others. Not all marriages last forever. If your marriage is developing problems, and you wish to try and repair it, you keep your lines of communication open and try all avenues of counselling. If that fails, then you can discuss separation after careful consideration. Having an affair is not the answer. Affairs are a sexual band-aid that people use, who irresponsibly refuse to tackle their marriage problems in a mature and respectful manner.