No, I could not survive infidelity. I possibly may forgive but never forget. I would never trust that person again. I believe once a person cheats and you forgive him and continue in the same relationship, he will only cheat on you again. There really is no excuse for cheating. Everyone knows it is wrong. I wouldn't bother wasting my energy on someone who was that selfish, low in intelligence/wisdon and lack of morals. If you truly love and respect someone, you don't deceive and cheat on them.

Thank for your comment Ross. Unfortunately your situation is becoming quite a common one. What is fortunate for you both though is the fact that you have discussed everything out on the table, and you are still best friends. There is no 'relationship model' that we all have to adhere to. Every relationship is unique and special in it's own way. What you both have is a relationship, and obviously a strong one which has a good foundation built 2 years ago after your discussion. Children are resilient. These days children are more exposed to the reality of relation breakdowns & marriage breakups. As long you show your children you love and respect them, and show them that you love and respect yourself, you're doing a great job!

I have cheated on my wife and came clean. I was ok for about 7 years then cheated for 3 months with 3 other married woman. My wife and I are best Friends and have a great life and get on well. Ive been good for the 2 years since we sat down and talked it out. In the back of my mind I'm afraid perhaps she stays for the money (we have household income of about $300k) which makes me feel a bit like I trap her which I don't want to do, i feel sickly guilty all the time, If she would be happyer (she is happy) w/out me then thats ok too, we will both make the best of it either way, its the kids we worry about - no easy answer's

Dear Mans thoughts,

Thank you for your feedback. It is always good to hear both sides to a story. It sounds like you may have possibly gone through a messy divorce involving assets yourself, and I always feel terrible for anyone going through this process. Both the husband and the wife are affected in ways that can be emotionally and physically damaging.

I invite anyone who has any more thoughts on this topic to write in. Especially now that the new laws have changed for defacto relationships.

Detection Group Pty Ltd

This is the reason why men cheat. who would want a woman who is such a sneak and is out to get as much money from her hard working husband as she can.

Maybe when woamen start to work the hours men do and pay as many bills as the men do can they understand why most men who get divorced go straight to asia for sex and a new life ( at least for a few weeks)

Men are sick of the crap from women.

www.stickmanbangkok.com

Hi Ian,

Thank you for your honest feedback. It must be an awful position to be in. It's so sad that because of financial reasons, some people can't truly do something to change an uncomfortable and/or unhappy situation. I can image that if must be like living in a jail with no escape. This will breed resentment and anger. I truly hope that either you both work through this, or your financial situation changes enough to allow what you both want to happen. As for the children, that's a tricky one. I have 2 young children and went through a separation/divorce. The kids have been happy throughout the transition. We checked in with a child psychologist every couple of months to check that we were doing everything right to protect the children's emotions, and we still continue to do that. Sometimes it's better for the children to see two happy separated parents, than two unhappy parents still together. We are role models for our children, and all we ever really want at the end, is for our children to grow up happy and secure. Good luck with the future Ian, I wish you every happiness.

I have thr reverse.
My wife has dated and slept with a younger man.
She now wants nothing sexual from me.

We stay together because of the kids and we cannot afford a divorce.

A living hell for me.


Ian

Thank you John for your feedback. It's wonderful that you and your wife have such a secure and fulfilling marriage. As everyone knows,not every marriage is the same. They are all based on different levels of beliefs, rules, and standards. Within your marriage structure, your "playing" is obviously a decision that both you and your wife have made together and accept. It sounds like it suits both of you for different reasons. Under your personal circumstances, then yes, you do have an Affair Success Story. But not everyone who enters into marriage, goes into it with the belief, knowledge or acceptance that their partner will be involved with other people of a sexual or very intimate manner. The people who contact Detection Group and other private investigators, do so because they obviously didn't agree to that type of behaviour during their marriage/relationship. Some people find out the information about their partner and either choose to stay for whatever reasons, be it love, security, financial etc.. and other people use the evidence gained to leave their partner because they feel so violated that their written and/or verbal vowel that they took out together has been breached. Not to mention the emotion turmoil that follows. But I do congratulate you and your wife on your obviously happy marriage and wish you every success and happiness into the future.

****AN AFFAIR SUCCESS STORY*****
My name is John I am an wealthy businessman and I am a player. My wife suspects and closes her eyes to it. You people are so brainwashed. Its not our fault.it is in mans genetic makeup to copulate with as many women as possible, this is paramount in the continuum of the human race.. I however stifle myself to one other lover. I actually Do love my wife and I support my family and children to a better level than most. I could leave her and she could easily leave me with a lot of cash. but we don't. She quietly accepts my activities as she has everything she wants. A key feature for my wife is that this affair Im having is resulting in a reduced amount of sex for her. In her older years she has lost interest somewhat. On the other hand I have a young Girlfriend and I am happy. Everyone is Happy. I appeal to the women who spy on their husbands to consider that their actions may destroy an otherwise healthy marriage. You halting a natural programming of male action. lets face it EVERYONE lies from time to time. Usually to preserve a loved ones feeling. Men lying to women about affairs is to preserve their marriage because of the social condition we are brought up with. If only women (and men) could understand and accept it.

I would like to thank everyone for their recent entries. It's good for other women in similar situations to know that they are not alone.

Cas, I would like to respond to your entry. I don't think you are the type of person who puts up with abuse. I think you are the type of person who thinks things through first before making important decisions. Making the choice to leave your husband who has been cheating on you, is a very big decision which requires deep thought. You have obviously done this and your decision is to stay, for a variety of reasons. You need to understand that your decision is not wrong. It is what is right for you. Some of my clients who get confirmation that their husbands have been cheating on them, do decide to stay, and for similar reasons to yours. I think the basic human need, besides food, water and shelter, is happiness. If you can find a way to be happy in your situation then that is admirable. I wish you all the best Cas.

Tiffany - Admin

Tiffany, I have been living with lies for years. I know my husband (13 years married) has had three women behind my back in the past five years. I don't have much doubt about it. But I close my eyes to it. And I close my mind to it. You may ask why do I put up with it. Well quite honestly I dont love him but I rely on him, I suppose I need him. I don't know where I would go or what I would do if I left him. He is a good provider and I have a nice home and a nice car and we go on separate holidays twice a year. I could play up too if I wanted and I think he wouldn't care. We dont have kids and there are no others except me that get hurt. I admit it does hurt but at 44 I dont think I can make a new start again with a house and getting a job and enough income to afford a mortgage. I keep thinking I should accept reality, the reality that most men play up on the side. I might sound like I am the kind of person who will put up with any abuse, but really it's just that I am a realistic person. Anyway I thought I would share this with you Tiffany.

I knew my husband was having an affair. This was twice, once in 2004 for which I forgave him. Silly yes. And then last year there was all the same signs again like hiding his creditcard statement and mobile bills and then his strips away for work. When I called his mobile I was allways getting his answering nessage. Just bebfore christmas I made up my mind to get evidence. I got my PI to fit a tracking devise in my car (which my husband was all the time driving on trips away) and in less then two weeks I could see that he was going to the same address every night when he was away. but the address was a private house and not his motel. The PI did survailance and got it on video twice where he was kissing a woman at the front door. And then when he comes out two hours later. Just now Im waiting to go to court. I dont mind saying Im feeling so much more powerfull now that I have this evidence which will shgow his real carachter in court.

yeah not happy, i know excactly what you mean. cause i've been there done that.. My husband was teling me lots of diferent storys and one day said he has to go to Sydney on some speciel conference. For a whole week, anyways i didnt beleive him by that time cause he was getting heaps of texts on his mobile at night, sometime very late. i hired a private investigater to folow him down to Sydney and thats where he cought him staying with this woman in a hotel. she was half his age!

I've just found out my husband was playing around behind my back for years. I sort of suspected it but I needed proof. Now that I've got it, I've left him. I can't believe he did that to me. I heard it happens a lot. He was a business man that travelled a lot 'for work'. Anyone else have a similar experience?:(